I received a lot of interesting feedback on my open letter to Senator Barack Obama. In the letter, I was applauding Senator Obama’s conclusion that black men should be better fathers. At the same time, I questioned the fact that only the flaws of black men and black culture are acceptable for public discourse, while the flaws of other ethnic groups are left off the table. Isn’t Obama trying to be “everyone’s president”? If so, then why isn’t he criticizing everyone equally? Don’t get me wrong, I hate bad fathers, because my father abandoned me as a child. But this notion that “those black men need to get it together and learn to be fathers” is not only inaccurate, but misguided.
To give you an example of the flaws of single-minded analysis, let’s assume I was describing “America’s Dad”, Bill Cosby. Someone could accurately state that “Bill Cosby needs to learn a lot about personal responsibility. He cheated on his wife, had an illegitimate child in the affair and then had his daughter sent to jail when she needed him!” Such a statement is certainly accurate, but it would be misguided and one dimensional. Bill Cosby has numerous contributions to our society that go far beyond his desire to cheat on his wife and send his child to jail.
If a one dimensional portrayal of an individual is problematic, then a one dimensional portrayal of 18 million men is damn near criminal. The notion that “all those black men need to stop” is an insult to the millions of black men who do the right thing. It is no more flawed than someone taking a video camera to the dirtiest trailer parks in America and saying, “This is how white people live.” Yes, this is how SOME white people live (the statement is technically correct), but it is not how ALL white people live (one-dimensional). The same way every white woman would not want to be compared with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, every black man does not want to be compared to Flavor Flav and 50 Cent.
On father’s day, I did not spend one second thinking about the black man who abandoned me. Instead, I spent that time celebrating the scores of black men who were there for me. When I talk about the craziness of kids in the hip hop generation, I am equally concerned about the millions of college students on white campuses who think that drinking till you puke every weekend is normal behavior. The desire to be honest and “tell it like it is”, if possessed by our president, should be equally strong and forceful in all directions, not just for groups in which the message fits with pre-existing racialized norms and stereotypes. Whether Senator Obama’s words were correct is not the entire issue, since there are many things I can say about you right now (good or bad) that would be technically correct (i.e. The Bill Cosby example above). The question is whether or not I am being too selective and destructive in my analysis. I can’t imagine Senator Obama speaking at the Vatican on Christmas and saying “All those Catholic Priests need to stop molesting children”. Yes, child abuse has been a problem in the Catholic Church, but it would be unacceptable to dampen the celebration of Jesus’ birth by painting the entire priest population with the actions of a subset.
While I know some black men (and white men) who abandon their kids, I know far more men who are right there with them. I know many men who want to be with their children, but they are dealing with an overbearing, hyper-dominant custodial parent who doesn’t allow him to see his child. I know a lot of men who wanted to stay married, but the conditions of the marriage were unacceptable, or their wives left them. I know many men who would have gladly taken their children with them after the divorce, but their wives (who refused to remain married) did not let the children go. In fact, I get many calls and emails from men around the country to this effect. So, if we are going to point out of the flaws of black men, we need to point out the role that EVERYONE plays in the breakdown of American families. The notion of flat out abandonment, while easy to construct and comfortably fitting with the negative portrayals of black men in America, is inaccurate in many cases. To say that fatherless homes are completely the fault of irresponsible black men is like saying that broken families are the fault and sole domain of black women who can’t manage their relationships. Both statements would be correct in some cases (we all know at least one insane “baby mama”), and flat out wrong in others.
Mother’s Day is not a day to assault divorced women for being bad mothers or to assume that they are doing things to tear their own families apart. Independence Day is not the day to remind our government of the millions we kill around the world every year. Similarly, Father’s Day is not the day to tell all black men that we are terrible dads. You don’t spend Christmas talking about the devil. Father’s Day is not a day to obsess over bad fathers, it is a day to show respect for the good ones. Also, negative stereotyping should be challenged, since 18 million men do not move with the same mind. I can’t find a single media story that focuses on the millions of rank and file black men who do remarkable things in the world, but I can always find a stack of haters who swear that black men are the worst creatures on the planet.
I love you Barack, but please don’t ever paint me and other men with a brush we don’t deserve. All of us don’t behave in the ways of your father (the Harvard educated man who likely played some role in the fact that you went to Harvard as well). Also, we are not always the ones responsible for the breakdowns of our relationships. We know that good fatherhood is critical, and the instinct of men to care for young children doesn’t disappear with black men. At the same time, we can all do better to make American families stronger, since many Americans (not just black people) see their families ripped apart by divorce every year. I am not sure how anyone in their right mind can lay all these problems solely at the feet of black men. We’ve got to be more responsible than that.
16 comments:
Dr. Watkins,
Well said. It is a shame that Sen. Obama did not have the foresight to know the heat he would take for his comments on Father's Day. It seemed that he was too comfortable talking about black men in such a manner. That really concerns me.
I'm hoping that Michellle will straighten him out on the manner. I guess he can't see that maybe someday Michelle can leave him. Then he will be in the same position as many other black men. Living outside of the home of his children. Sen. Obama, watch yourself. Peace.
Also, thank you for addressing Sen Barack Obama in your open letter.
I love Sen. Obama, but I had the same thoughts that you expressed when I heard his Father's day speech.
Thank you for your critique. Though some may not like it, i would say that you could support someone and hold them accountable at the same time, which is what you're supposed to do. While I would hate to give his enemies anything to use against him, WE, the people, must always seek justice (esp for our marginalized communities) at every turn. I hope he has heard and considered these concerns for the future, and hopefully, he would be more whole and careful in his approach as he usually is.
And finally, since I've gotten all of that off my chest, it's time for us to do better as a black American community, to stand up and take control of our own image, to be the authors of our own history and our own story, and stop allowing society to keep placing all of these labels on us.
Time to break the cycle.
Thank you, Dr. Watkins, "the people's scholar."
Nobody is disputing the fact that there are good men in our community. My Grandfather, husband, and son make me proud to be a Black woman. Barack however was in a Black church, speaking to a Black commmunity as a Black man and a Black father. Our youth are hurting and you men who have the audacity to critize Barack have an academic response and solution to the crisis in our community, but your not doing a damn thing to impact the problem. I say as a Black women who was abandonded by her father, lost brothers to drug use, and the jail system. I want to hear what anybody has to say at anytime, in front of anyone if it will help us move into an active role of having a more healthier community. It's a damn shame that in 2008 we are still spending more time talking about a brother who brings up issues that is real in our community, rather that embrace the fact that what he says does not apply to all of you but it does apply to some of you. And let's see you don't live in the communities that are infected so your affect of Barack's reponse is typical. Give me a break. Right on Barack.
I just had a chance to read the statement Barack had made and I must say I felt disturbed. This is another attack on black men by another so called brother who is not thinking about how degrading this may be to the millions of black dads who struggle everyday ( like myself ) to take care of their children. I do think you have a good point Boyce, “why not make an equal assumption about the flaws in other ethnic groups parenting practices to limit the criticism that is sure to follow such a statement?" I am proud of Barack's accomplishments but it does nothing when he makes assumptions without the facts except, add more fuel to the stereotype why "black men are so bad or irresponsible."
Man,Dr. Watkins you be on point! I've been questioning the great Senator Obama for quite awhile now and i am starting to see the pandering he is doing to secure the white vote. At the expense of black pride!
This is a very powerful topic and something that continuously needs to be discussed in OUR community amongst OUR people. My mother used to always tell me that it is not what you're called but it is what you answer to.
There are several misconceptions about black women that society has and there are several misconceptions about black men that society has. The last thing we need in America right now is to put a black man in office who is going to magnify our already tarnished reputation and contribute to the problem rather than developing a solution.
There will be a severe and damaging disconnect within our communities, schools, churches, businesses, and homes if the man we look at to be the one to effect change in America doesn't "have our back."
I support Obama. I think he is a magnificent, charismatic, and intelligent man and even smarter because he partnered up w/ the right mate, Michelle. He can make or break this pattern that society deems the destiny for black men. But just as strategic as he has been with his nomination campaign he has to be just as clever and strategic as he approaches touchy topics regarding African Americans. Remember "they" already think we are a divided people. Read your history books. "They" didn't steal us in the still of the night. Our own people sold us. Keeping up w/ tradition we are accustomed to being "thrown under the bus" by our own.
I recently finished my first book, black men vs. White Men....The Black Woman's Choice. I agree there are a few angry black women out there who blame there absent fathers, dead beat baby's daddys, and drug dealing brothers for the reason why they are in the state they are today but then we also have some successful, beautiful, educated, black women who love and support black men but cannot find one on her caliber to share her life or build a family with.
What do we say to those women? We look at Oprah and start to believe that if we are successful we cannot have chivalry. We cannot have a husband by our side because black men are intimidated, lazy, dumb, and non-committal. We have to settle for a live-in Stedman and take care of him and his children and not have the desire of our hearts.
This can cause some women to be angry, confused (sexually), bitter, and insecure. I dare not make excuses for ignorant women who purposely keep their children away from their fathers because the relationship did not work out, that hurts the children in the long run the most. I do not support gold digging females who want a man to pay her bills and buy her the things that she was never able to have growing up....that's not a relationship, that's a pimp. I do not want to hear a woman complain about a man when she knows he is either married or in a committed relationship and she has resorted to being the other woman. I want to support women like me. Women who have degrees, property, careers, are independent, beautiful, loving, spiritual, and available who have grown weary of being looked over and now choose to date white (or other) men and are called traitors and racist.
While this can be a temporary problem it can begin to make some black women angry. I certainly enjoy reading your emails. Very informative and thought provoking. I certainly hope you take the time to respond to a real person with real insight with a real voice.
I think it would be better to concentrate on solutions than the problems. What is being said in many ways are true. Many people do not know how to solve these problems. Putting us in the spotlight, gives us a chance to change. I think that we really need to change in many forms. I do suggest that every Black person get a passport and travel. Trust me, there is a difference. Do not go to Europe, first. Africa or Asia would be a better start. I have only traveled Asia. One other thing is that we need to realize that our history is not from slavery. It is from Africa and we need to embrace that. There is no other place on this Earth that can compare to Our African History. We need to embrace and study who and what we did in the past. White American unknowingly are adapting many of our African cultures and practices. We do not see it, because we do not know, either. Being criticize is not important as finding and installing ways to improve. What can we do to correct these problems? We need to see what our fathers in Africa did. Religion should not be part of it.
Legend - good point. When I was in Ghana I met a young African American from Atlanta and just to see him experiencing Africa was one of the most moving and memorable things about my trip. It was as though he was seeing the world and knowing himself for the very first time.
Getting back to Obama's speach; Having now watched it in full, I tend to understand and empathize with both sides of the argument. I don't think there's a clear cut answer to this one - it's a very difficult issue as some issues are. As someone earlier said, we should support him and hold him accountable at the same time. That is what separates us from the blind, Fox News-inspired population who support Bush come what may and do NOT hold him accountable...
Dr. Boyce,
I am so tired of people critisizing our black leaders? for being genuine enough to try to help give our black men and women some guidance. I have no problem with what Barak said about black fathers, just like I don't have a problem with what Bill Cosby said about our people. They spoke the truth as they believed and the least we could do is listen and look at ourselves to see if we fit the pattern. We don't need to get upset or angry, because they are "us" and who better to tell us about our short comings. I grew up without a father, married a man that chose to go elsewhere while I raised my children, but am I mad abou it, I just keep on keepin' on as my mother taught me to do. We as a people need to first learn how to come together and work toward our collective future together.
Ya think that on fathers day a Black Father could get some recognition respect and props for ONE day out of the year. Instead all those fathers who are trying as hard as they can and doing all that they can to be the best fathers they can be get lumped together with the ones that have not assumed their roles and/or RESPONSIBILITIES as fathers and got DISSED and DISMISSED as boys (I can hear Rodney Dangerfield right about now). After years of being dissed by white presidential candidates, black men now have the privilege of being dissed and dismissed by OH MY GAWD a BLACK presidential candidate, now that is progress for Ya.
One of the first things we need to come to grips with is that this nation has been engaged in a non stop, never ending, WAR on the Black Family. Black folks have endured for over four centuries of degradation repression terrorism from chattel slavery to apartheid/segregation (Slavery lite) to Color Blind society (Neo Slavery). This constant beating has all but destroyed the cohesion, close coupling and continuity inside the Black Family. We have never been given good options and opportunities for creating good healthy family structures. A lot of our family structures are riddled with drama, disorder and dysfunction as a result, and this is the 900 lb GO RILLA in the room that a lot of us do not want to see much less talk about or act to correct.
I’m not making excuses for Black men. Our short comings are well documented debated and discussed. There are too many men who have not assumed their roles and/or RESPONSIBILITIES as fathers (as I teacher I saw first hand the blow back that is the result of fatherless and motherless families all the time). But after we finish all the name calling and finger pointing we need to take a hint get a clue step back and get the full entire view. There are other factors that a good many of us are unwilling to look at much less talk about and even less willing to confront/change. Some of those factors have to do with our own behavior (both men and women) and some other factors are about situations and circumstances beyond our control.
Obama and other politicians are always talking about personal responsibility and yes there is a range of responsibilities that each of us as individuals are accountable for. But there is also family responsibility and community responsibility and government/institutional responsibility. And just what is the government/institutional responsibility (I’m glad you asked that question). It is the responsibility of government/ institutions to provide an environment where people can live and feel relatively safe with access to basic services/resources like food, clothing, shelter, health care, education, jobs so that people have the opportunity to make a living and become productive and contributing members of society. We have not always got this kind of treatment form the government/institutions. For a very long time we were not even considered to be human much less members of this society.
And what are some examples of government not assuming its roles and RESPONSIBILITIES. How about the mountain of LIES the government spit at the whole country about IRAQ. Where are those weapons of mass destruction??? Is telling the TRUTH A RESPONSIBILITY of the government??? How about the subprime mess? The government printing presses run 24/7 printing money to bail the banking industry out of the financial black hole THEY created. But for the homeowners who lost their homes and have had their lives pasted and wasted, what has been the governments response to them, wait for it now GET LOST!!! Is it not a RESPONSIBILITY of government to regulate markets and protect the everyday person from getting ripped off by the rich and powerful??? How about the KATRINA debacle or the FISA domestic spying operation? Do ya think the government displayed prudent RESPONSIBILITY in any of those shinning examples??? This government has abandoned its RESPONSIBILITY to all the people of this country much less Black folks. Obama does not want to talk about that because he would have to talk about the Democratic Party complicity in allowing the Rethugs to do what they have done.
Sure Black men have a bunch of problems that we need to work on solving. But it is down right shameful to blow up the problem of black men not assuming their roles and responsibilities as fathers so as to shift focus away from the DELIBERATE DISHONEST DECEITFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE IRRESPONSIBILITY of the US government that has created a living HELL for a lot of people in this country and around the world. Read the article at Black Agenda Report http://www.blackagendareport.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=662&Itemid=1 entitled Freedom Rider: 35 Crimes that detail the 35 articles of impeachment submitted by Dennis Kucinich. I think that these 35 crimes that Mr. Kucinich is talking about are far more damning and are on a scope that is way greater than any Black father not being responsible.
Peace
S Murph
Dr. Boyce you are in denial and out of touch with the black community. The majority of black women are raising their babies without their dads. I struggled to raise four babies worked two jobs and went to school. Put each one thru private school with no help from my husband. He moved out to live with a woman with no children so he could afford the materials things that he wanted in life. When I did file for child suppor he got an attorney who wrote me a letter deny my children and stated if I want to contest it I would need an attorney. I made up my mine to allow God and my family to assit me with raising my babies. Senator Obama did not say every black man so if you have children and are raising them good. What I don't understand I have never seen your name or heard of you doing anything in the black community to help single black mothers. So why are you complainting. Are you living in poverty?
Happy birthday Dr. Boyce! Bet you didn't know that I remember an interview you did with Wendy Williams where you mentioned your birthday. I know you probably get alot of emails from women all over the country, but i am one of those women who thinks you are the bomb!
10,000 smooches and if your fiance doesn't work out I'll be right here!
Now that's how you tell it like it is! You should be running for president, not Obama.
As someone who is tall and strong my dedication to the African Diaspora, and my afro centricity, I constantly have to defend myself against the brute image that is placed on me when people need an immediate scapegoat. I am an easy target because they don't have to ask questions about the situation they can react to the standard brute stereo type with impunity. I have even had educated blacks go along to attempt acceptance through alliance. I just had a profound life-changing situation when two renowned artists threw me under the bus after 13 years of traveling with them with a project, because a causation woman (mind you three times my size width wise) stated she was afraid of me. There was never an altercation, or even an exchange of words. In all the years these artists knew me, I never ever had a disagreement that involved a physical situation. Still under the bus, I lay with Rev Wright, which brings me to Obama's comments on father’s day. Who was the first deadbeat dad? Who continues to this day to be a dead beat? I would say the Founding (slave owning) Fathers (a phrase I use only for convenience not that I think they found any thing) who wrote ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, except those they say are not. I just can’t stop laughing at the oxymoronic things we accept. Like Black, men are the only deadbeat dads
You are sickining, I won't even call you a brother. For starter's your have the nerve to talk about a man who is telling it like it is about fathers, and your running with Jesse Jackson. Mr.I'm the high and mighty preacher who was knockin boots got kids out of wedlock himself, you fool's are probably in the club in the VIP right now. Jessie Jackson is the main reason black men do what they do you idiot, they say hell if Reverend jackson can do it i'll do it to. I wish I could debate you Mr. CNN on Live television, I can hear all your, your not black, not Barack, people cheering for you. You talk about Flavor Flav and others and I bet you can't name one Public Enemy song you F#^&(@ sellout. I'm leaving all my information for you to contact me because I know you'll never read this anyway, cindy or kathy or sarah or some white chick who got a job by probably having a orgy with you and Jessie Jackson will read this for you beacuse I know you ain't hiring no black folk. Keep it real punk, look at yourself in the mirror when your shaving or you might just cut your own throat you uneducated bitch.
What was this insane anonymous dude above me talking about? I think he forgot to take his medication!
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