A Morning Joke

I figured that we all stay pretty serious all the time, but honestly, that's not my nature. So, I thought I would share a really funny joke with you, just to show that I'm not as serious all the time as some people might think. No matter what side of the political isle you're on, you're likely to find this joke very funny. Some days, I wake up and I don't quite want to be Malcolm X. Instead, I choose to be Bernie Mac.

Enjoy!

Why did the chicken cross the road?


BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.




HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experienc e makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......


DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.


GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the sc reen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.


NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road becaus e he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........
reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

D ICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Bill O'Reilly vs. Keith Olbermann.....I just sat in the middle

by Dr. Boyce Watkins
www.BoyceWatkins.com

I learned something about the power of money last night. I received an email from one of our readers on Your Black World, who simply said, “Bill O’Reilly is coming after you again.” I took it in and got back to what I was doing. I expected O’Reilly to make another smear attack this week, since a good terrorist always hits the target multiple times.

O’Reilly Bin Laden’s latest target was my poor chancellor, Nancy Cantor. Sending one of his goons (some call them correspondents) to the campus, Dr. Cantor was asked why she is allowing “the good name of Syracuse University to be ruined by a ‘racist’ like Boyce Watkins.” Translation: to some, a “racist” is any black person who speaks up for black people. I accept that.

O’Reilly never really came at me directly, as I and some other black scholars have refused to appear on his show. I don’t fault the ones who choose to appear, but I don’t consider a platform legitimate just because it has a few viewers. Instead, he felt that going after my chancellor and the alumni of Syracuse University would be a more reliable tactic.



I couldn’t agree with O’Reilly more, perhaps the chimp is smarter than I thought.

Our campus is in the middle of a billion dollar fund raising campaign, and I am sure there are those who are sickened by the fact that one of the most visible faculty members on campus is the subject of racial controversy. Financial theory teaches us that risk management and minimization are critical to maximizing popularity and profitability. Controversy is risk, and too much risk hurts your ability to raise money. Oprah knows this all too well, as her political moves have diminished her show’s brand and base during the past year.

As Barack Obama’s experience reminds us, race is not a comfortable conversation, even when presented in the most diplomatic fashion possible. The backlash is far greater when you are direct and honest. What’s interesting is that O’Reilly couldn’t exactly cite why he was so obsessed with me, nor could he point to any strong evidence to support his “race baiter” assertions. The mere fact that he labeled me a “race monger” was enough to get his disciples up in arms. Bill O’Reilly should change his name to Bill Oprah-Reilly, as he has an amazing ability to manipulate his minions and their small, impressionable minds.

According to Bill O’Reilly, I am using the Presidential campaign to engage in “villainous pursuits” to promote a radical agenda. Being the good and noble American that he is, his goal is to ensure that “race hustlers” like myself don’t use their “hate-filled speech” to manipulate the results of the 2008 Presidential Election. Bill O’Reilly has become Martin Luther King Jr in his fight for truth, justice and political purity. God bless him.

My finance lesson this week came from watching Bill O’Reilly squirm. He was boiling mad at me, and even his fellow conservatives couldn’t quite figure out why (note the confusion on the face of the silly conservative radio show host, Laura Ingraham). The reason O’Reilly had become obsessed with me and my words is because of the dirty secret exposed by MSNBC host Keith Olbermann: A group with which I am affiliated, The Your Black World Coalition, has mobilized an intense email, phone and letter writing campaign to O’Reilly’s corporate

sponsors, the FCC and the producers of the show. The ultimate objective is to hold O’Reilly’s corporate sponsors accountable for supporting a man who has consistently engaged in dirty tactics to defame Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama and other respected individuals in the black community. While O’Reilly is certainly entitled to Freedom of Speech, I won’t have him unfairly assaulting and defaming my respected colleagues, and using my money to do it. While I give O’Reilly credit for being a good financial student, he must remember that I am ultimately the professor.

In reference to my many “lies” to smear O’Reilly, Keith Olbermann asked Bill one simple question: “If that’s what Watkins said, where are the lies?” In naming Bill O’Reilly “The Worst Person in the World” for his attacks on me and the chancellor, Olbermann quoted my reference to O’Reilly’s statement about wanting to have a “lynching party” on Michelle Obama. O’Reilly speaks of lynching the potential First Lady of the United States, and then has the nerve to call others racist and unpatriotic.

Given my training in finance, I learned one thing about living in a capitalist democracy: money makes people move. O’Reilly also understands this. Money makes good people do bad things and gives bad people an excuse to do good things. Money is the reason Fox News exists, and why this form of “capitalism gone wild” has destroyed the integrity of American journalism. Money is the reason that Barack Obama went from being a non-factor to becoming a target of The O’Reilly Factor and the reason that President Bush is sweating over the price of gas.



It is the ability to acquire resources, mobilize resources and take away resources that will change this election. This election will, in turn, change the world. Race matters, there’s no question about that. But money matters much more.

Here is the video if you want to see it:



Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” For more information, please visit www.BoyceWatkins.com.

Oprah Winfrey, Bob Johnson, Barack Obama: What Gives in this Election?

By Dr. Boyce Watkins
www.BoyceWatkins.com

Oprah Winfrey’s support for Senator Barack Obama, while certainly admirable, has cost her some support among fans. According to a recent poll, Winfrey’s approval rating was 74% before the election, dropping to 61% after turning her support toward Obama. At the end of the Jeremiah Wright controversy, her approval rating dropped further to 55%.

I admired Oprah a great deal for stepping out in support of Senator Obama. I also knew that she would pay the greatest price for this bold political move. What surprised me about Oprah’s support for Senator Obama was the fact that she was willing to do damn near the exact opposite of what made her a billionaire: take political sides in a nasty race. She also had the audacity to support a highly qualified black man over a well-respected, powerful woman. When reporters asked me about Oprah’s decision to step out on the limb of controversy, I simply said “Damn, I thought I was the only one crazy enough to do things like that. Oprah’s going to get fried for it.”


Entertainment is based on popularity. The more of a jelly-like spine you have, the better off you’re going to be. You have to be able to move with the crowd and makes folks feel good. DL Hughley from Def Comedy Jam even appeared on several shows referring to the black women from Rutgers University as “Nappy Headed Hoes”, all so he could build a little extra fame on the back of a very serious issue. Entertainment moguls like Oprah Winfrey and Bob Johnson are the best when it comes to telling people exactly what they want to hear, and they’ve become quite wealthy for it.

But it is Oprah’s willingness to take a serious stand on critical social issues that will serve as the dividing line between the legacies of billionaires Winfrey and Johnson. Oprah will be celebrated and remembered 100 years from today. People will only think that “Bob Johnson” is the name of an exotic sex toy. Johnson’s time capsule will contain DVDs of BET (Booties, Exploitation and Thugs) videos, while Oprah’s capsule will contain pictures of the young women attending the school she built in Africa. I am not a woman, but even I am empowered by someone who stands up so firmly for women’s rights. So, I give a big “You go girl” to Oprah for doing something that many wealthy black entertainers with predominantly white audiences are not quite willing to do.



At the same time, it was Oprah’s decision to be a BLACK woman (not just a woman) and support Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton that led to the backlash from her audience. Simultaneously, it was Bob Johnson’s allegiance to Senator Clinton that led to him being compared to Uncle Ruckass, the first class Uncle Tom from the TV show “The Boondocks”. Both billionaires shifted away from their policies, and both of them are getting hammered for it.

Oprah and Bob were reminded of a valuable lesson: Popularity and politics just don’t mix.

People don’t pay their black entertainers to take political stands. They pay them to dance, sing and make jokes. One can’t wear the white suit of entertainment and swim in the dirty waters of racially-divisive American politics.

One thing I know about money is that it can empower and liberate you. The problem is that money can also enslave you. Many black professors at top white universities fear losing their precious jobs if they speak out on social injustice. So, we spend our entire careers writing research papers that no one ever reads, while a world that starves for our intellect dies around us. There are hoards of angry black middle class Americans who fear opening their mouths because they won’t be able to keep up the payments on the Lexus. We all understand, on some level, the tradeoffs that Oprah, Johnson and Obama are forced to make.

One of the great dilemmas of the black experience is that we judge one another on our ability to obtain wealth, power and popularity, three things in short supply in our community. Rather than asking WHY Bob Johnson has a billion dollars, we presume that he is a great man only BECAUSE he has a billion dollars. Our measuring stick for success is one that provides prominence and respect to those who’ve been most willing to sell their soul to obtain scarce social resources. This creates a sticky set of incentives, as we keep our eyes on the carrots while taking our eyes completely off the prize.

You (Barack Obama) can’t get elected with 13% of the vote, so you are forced to engage in a disturbing amount of diplomacy and “bridge building”. You even become the only major politician to not show up in Memphis on the 40th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s assassination. In addition, you are asked to denounce a different black male associate nearly every week, while your opponents have equally questionable affiliations that receive no attention from mainstream media.


You (Oprah Winfrey) are a TV mogul who can’t earn a billion dollars from your black audience, so you build a predominantly soccer mom constituency that will penalize you for supporting a black presidential candidate. The audience helps you pay the bills, as long as you keep feeding them more Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil without even considering building shows for many black experts across the country who DO NOT have that annoying country accent.

You (Bob Johnson) can’t quite get your message onto a mainstream TV network, so you create a network for African-Americans and spend 20 years feeding them nothing but naked women, gold grills, jock-grabbing “gangstaz” with guns and other profitable garbage. You don’t feed garbage for the survival of the network; you feed it because you want to have a billion dollars instead of 100 million. That’s what makes you a “playa”.

The sacrifices are great, and it is my argument that we should not only question the merits of the sacrifice, but also whether the rewards are as valuable as they seem. For every billion dollars of income earned by Bob Johnson, I speculate that there is at least another two billion dollars in lost productivity from a generation of kids who memorized the lyrics from “Back that Ass Up” before they began kindergarten.

Perhaps it is time to reconsider our social currency.

Does Cornel West have to be at Harvard to be important, or will we respect him at an HBCU?

If Barack Obama loses the presidency for refusing to condemn another black man, will he get as much respect from his Black Home as he would from the White House?

Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama, to a measured extent, have earned my respect for putting their vast social capital on the line. As a Finance Professor, I understand Bob Johnson, since I have taught thousands of Capitalists to analyze money.

But one thing I know about money and democracy in a racist society is that if you measure your success by wealth, power and popularity, you end up with a Pandora’s Box of contradictions that keep you up all night and on the toilet all day.

Life is too short to work so hard on things that don’t matter. Perhaps we should set new standards.

Video: Dr. Boyce Watkins Speaks on Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama