Why Chris Brown was Dead Wrong in the Rihanna Situation

I've always liked the singer Chris Brown. In fact, I still like him very much. But I was, like everyone else, shocked to find out about Chris' alleged involvement in a boxing match with his girlfriend, singer Rihanna. I was surprised because this kind of behavior doesn't fit the good boy image that Chris' managers work so hard to maintain.

I read up on the story, thought about it carefully, tried to remember my own mistakes and experiences at the age of 19, and came to a conclusion: Chris Brown was DEAD WRONG.

Ladies, I know you love Chris. The man can sing his butt off, and he has all the makings of a swoon-aholic. I also think that, like Michael Vick and other brothers who have made bad choices, Chris deserves to be forgiven at some point. But the fact that there are so many (mostly women) willing to immediately forgive and forget or even thrust the blame for all this on Rihanna, is a bit scary and significantly misguided.

Let's be clear on this right now: A MAN HAS NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER TO PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU.

The only exception is if you try to kill him or come at him with a deadly weapon. No, Rihanna allegedly giving Chris herpes is not an excuse (Tom Joyner and others have made this statement, but I am not here to say if its true or not), since a) the herpes rate in America is about 48% in the Black community and people are passing it around all the time without realizing it (you may be getting herpes from your lover right now - you might wanna look into that), b) many people don't even know they are passing it since most people don't get tested, c) you are the one who chose to sleep with that person without having them tested, and d) assaulting someone physically is not the correct response to your disappointments. There are more intelligent ways to handle disputes with your lover. Again, I don't know if the herpes statements by Joyner and others are true, but even if it is/were true, that would NOT be an excuse for Chris to hit her.

Here's the deal to the brothers: domestic violence or assault on a woman is not only wrong, but it will land you in jail. If you are in a situation with a woman which leads you to feel the need to assault her physically, you should IMMEDIATELY REMOVE YOURSELF from the scenario. Don't talk to the woman anymore, and don't allow anyone into your space who might lead you to feel compelled to destroy everything you've worked for. Who you allow into your life is one of the most important decisions you will ever make and your entire world can go down in flames over one bad decision. Believe me, a crazy woman can destroy your life. You don't want to go through the drama. If Rihanna is the handful people say she is, then Chris needs to find a more mature partner.

To the ladies: some of you have to slow your roll on this whole "we can forgive everything if he sings well and has money" mindset. With all the evidence of R. Kelly wanting to get freaky with 12 year olds, I found myself astounded that women were willing to laugh off his behavior as simply "artist eccentricity". No, that is what they call CHILD MOLESTATION. While I don't consider Chris Brown to be nearly as deranged as R. Kelly, the facts remain the same: if a guy can sing, many women will forgive damn near anything. The same way many men are tempted by (as Bell, Biv Devoe said) "a big butt and a smile", many women are equally sucked into bad decisions by a big wallet and smooth words. As Martin Luther King might agree, there's something to be said about analyzing the content of someone's character. If a man beats you today, he will almost always do it again. If he treats you like crap before you're married, he'll keep doing it after you walk down the isle. If he cheats on you now, he's probably going to keep doing it. If he isn't taking care of his kids when he met you, he's probably not going to take care of yours. Some concepts are pretty simple, but the elixir of love makes us blind, deaf, dumb and crazy. The truth is that most people tell us exactly who they are if we are willing to listen and observe.

To Chris Brown: I like your personality a lot. You have tremendous talent and you appear to be a good person who made a horrible mistake. But don't ever make that mistake again. Not only have you jeopardized everything you and your business associates have worked for, you did something that was flat out wrong. You are a woman magnet like no other, but that doesn't give you a blank check on irresponsible behavior. Being a successful and powerful man does not imply that you have the right to put your hands on a woman, and if that were my daughter, we'd have a serious problem. If Rihanna is as crazy as she sounds, then send her packing.....put her umbrella (ella ella) in her suitcase and just tell her to go "live her life" with somebody else. You've got too much to lose, so don't lose it.

To read more on Chris Brown and Rihanna, click here.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and author of "What if George Bush were a Black Man?" For more information, please visit http://www.boycewatkins.com/