Black People: Hats Off to BET - We'll Be talking about Obama

I just got a call from BET today about being part of a series they are doing on the election and African American issues. BET is a network that has received criticism for some of the work that has appeared on its network. Much of that criticism was quite valid, as there is a heavy expectation of social engagement that precludes the ability of African American businesses to focus on a single-minded bottom line. In other words, I was not happy with the Bob Johnson business model (which I reflect upon heavily in my next book).

However, today BET made me proud. Speaking with the producer, I was led to the impression that the goal of this show is to voice African American issues in the Presidential election and to ensure that both candidates are listening. With all the political flip-flopping that has been going on with both Obama and McCain, it is becoming quite clear that when you don't put carrots and sticks on politicians, they are likely going to take you for granted.

African-Americans are a patient, conservative and relatively humble group of people. Not all of us, but many of us fit this mold. We want validation from white America badly, for that is how we have historically learned to feel good about ourselves. Getting Barack Obama into the White House is considered the ultimate achievement in terms of receiving the validation that we cherish so much. We have always loved our country and wanted love from our country, even when our country did not love us.

One of the concerns I have, however, is that when you seek love and validation from an historically abusive partner, this may possibly lead to more abuse and disrespect. It also inhibits your ability to demand fairness from that partner. A woman being beaten by her husband cannot simultaneously stop the beating, while still waiting for her husband to tell her that she is pretty. Ultimately, the discomfort created in their relationship by the woman's new demands will provide an incentive for her husband to withhold his love and validation as punishment for his wife "causing trouble in their relationship."

African Americans don't want to cause any trouble, we don't like "making a ruckus". Even if something is true, we encourage that person not to say it in public. We want Obama to get into the White House, and like the abused wife mentioned above, we are willing to tolerate nearly any disgrace, embarrassment, denunciation and humiliation in order to get there. While one can certainly applaud that degree of patience and kindness, one can become concerned that the willingness to take anything in order to receive validation from an abusive partner will only lead to more abuse. By labeling us "radical" or "racist", so-called mainstream media is engaging in the same sort of mental abuse that the violent husband might use to control his wife. By seeking validation from corporate America, so-called mainstream media outlets (not owned by African Americans) and majority white universities, we can sometimes jeopardize our ability to be true to fairness and equality. The man who really wants to be a Harvard professor is not going to speak out on racial equality, even if he knows his words to be true, especially if he is going to be labeled "an extremist" and not be given tenure.

There is a point where you must stand strong. Barack Obama needs to be encouraged by the black community to cherish our support and not take it for granted. He and others need to be informed that strong blackness is not criminal and should be a source of American pride. So, I am glad BET and black bloggers are putting our issues on the table. Having a black president won't mean a thing if we are only happy having a black president. A black president who represents diverse interests of black people as respected members of the American family, now that's something to write home about.

I am not a fan of putting too much pressure on Barack Obama. But I strongly recommend that we all remember: if you ask for nothing and expect nothing, then you will usually get NOTHING. By shutting down any African American who speaks honestly about race, we are further lowering our issues on the table of American priorities. To make it plain, a wife who tells her busy husband that it's O.K. to ignore his family (even for "just a few months") may end up sad, lonely and abandoned. A month becomes a year, a year becomes a decade and a decade becomes a lifetime. We must be sure not to let Obama abandon us, even for a little while.